29 years

Twenty-nine years—a commitment spanning 350 months, 10,596 days, and 15,258,240 minutes. Such dedication is rare these days. What changed, one might ask? Perhaps it's the shift in efforts and priorities from both sides. While some may disagree, I firmly believe that social media has significantly impacted family dynamics, altering relationships in ways that will only worsen over time. The expectations created by influencers, models, and celebrities on social media are astonishingly unrealistic, especially when it comes to couples. Unrealistic beauty standards and a constant desire for "more"—more beauty, more wealth, more sex appeal—have pushed the threshold to unprecedented levels.

Coming from a conservative society, I can speak from my experience, though I’ve also observed relationships in both Western and Eastern cultures. Having lived in multiple countries within my short life, I’ve noticed that families thriving the most are those that follow a moral framework, uphold a family-oriented system, and prioritize spending time together. Of course, there are exceptions, but these principles seem universal.

Recently, my parents celebrated their 29th wedding anniversary. Does that mean they are perfect? Absolutely not. What has kept their relationship strong, however, is a concept we refer to in my language as "درگزر," which means to let go. It’s the ability to overlook each other’s flaws, to avoid unnecessary arguments, and to rise above trivial disagreements.

Admittedly, I don’t get along well with my mom because of her tendency to taunt, which I find difficult to handle. On the other hand, I share a strong bond with my dad, and over the years, I’ve observed how he manages this behavior. Only recently, while he was recovering from heart surgery in the hospital, I asked him how he copes with it.

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His answer was simple yet profound. He explained that sustaining a relationship isn’t about keeping score or proving oneself right. Instead, it’s about practicing patience and understanding, even when it’s challenging.

He explained that it’s not just about brushing off the words but about looking beyond them to address the underlying issues causing her frustration. This approach has helped him maintain peace and understanding in their relationship. Similarly, my dad himself struggled with severe anger issues in the past. How did my mom handle it? With patience and calm. She listened to him and helped him work through his emotions.

My dad’s life has not been an easy one. Losing his father at a young age, he had to step into the role of the breadwinner at just 11 years old. Being the only son responsible for supporting his family, he developed a rough, practical approach to life and an extreme focus on saving money—something my mom still finds hard to accept. Despite their differences, they’ve made it work. My mom has shown her love and support by calming him during difficult times and respecting his efforts.

Even after 29 years of marriage, my dad’s devotion to my mom remains evident. He still goes out of his way to make her happy—whether it’s by cooking meals for her, not waking her up in the morning, or surprising her with new clothes. In return, my mom respects him as the head of the household, listens to him, and values his decisions. It’s a mutual partnership built on care, respect, and understanding.

The dynamics in a Muslim family are quite distinct from what one might observe in Western cultures. In Islam, the family system is deeply ingrained, and we live by a code of life that we believe benefits us in the long run. Children aren’t expected to leave home at 18, and parents aren’t sent to nursing homes in their later years. Instead, families live together under one roof, fostering stronger bonds through shared experiences. Of course, conflicts arise, as they do in any household, but the long-term result is a closer-knit family unit.

As I reflect on my parents’ 29th anniversary, I can’t help but admire the strength of their relationship. It’s not without challenges, but they’ve shown that patience, compromise, and mutual respect can sustain a marriage. I hope to follow my father’s example in building and nurturing a family of my own one day, inshaAllah. Their journey is a testament to the beauty of enduring love and the power of family.