The cry of an old woman waiting for a halal relationship

My age is 35 years now, I am not married yet because it is our family tradition that having a relationship outside the family is a bad thing. We have never had a relationship outside the family.

I have reached the age of 35, so far I have not had any relationship with my family, while I have had several relationships with non-family members, but it is possible that my parents or brothers have agreed with someone.
My heart feelings sometimes go to such an extent that I scream at night and raise my head to the heavens and shout to my parents that I am not able to live. The reason is silence.
I have become a living corpse.
When I see my sisters laughing and smiling with their husbands during weddings and celebrations, my heart aches. Or may God not give such educated and ignorant parents who ruin the lives of their children by following the customs of their family.
Sometimes I think that I should run away from home and blacken my face with someone and come back and stand in front of my parents saying that now, perform the ritual of your seven pashtas well.
Sometimes I think of running away from home and asking someone to make me a wife, but then I think of what will happen to me if I fall into the hands of a bad person.

Even the maulvi of the mosque does not describe my pain in his Friday sermon.

O ruler of time,
O my father,
O Grand Mufti of my country,
O Imam of my local mosque,
Oh, the leader of my city, in whose hands should I find my blood?

Who will understand my pain?

I have passed the age of 35 but my father still has the same rule that I will never marry my daughter outside the family.
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O God, be a witness, surely you sent many good relationships for me, but my family rejected those relationships.
O people, tell me if a person does not eat ready-made food and says that it was like this in destiny, then he is crazy or wise.
May God bless you and pour it into your mouth???
Keep this example in front of you and think that Allah sent good relationships for me and many others like me, but my parents or some of them rejected me.