Alone in the Dark (1982) Review + Film

Rating: 1/5
AKA: City Slickers 3: Curly goes Buck Wild
AKA: Dr. Loomis Begins
,W,a,t,c,h, ,H,e,r,e,:,

“People here aren’t called patients, they’re voyagers!” – Doc Loomis before Michael Myers

I don’t care if this film came out in ’82, we’re counting it as official continuity for both the Halloween & City Slickers franchises.

Donald Pleasance manages an insane asylum where he treats psychos using the power of love and understanding.

No sir, in this movie he’s not classifying souless killers by “it” anymore, he’s hugging and smoking his way into their hearts and minds.

The setup is fairly basic, 4 spergs led by Curly from City Slickers are convinced a new doctor Loomis hires, has killed their previous caretaker and friend Harry Merton.

A bitch name to go along with a bitch face.

Oh and speaking of bitches, that replacement doctor? It’s fucking Lt. Barclay from Star Trek.

Anyway Curly, the dude who played Dracula in Ed Wood, some nose bleeding sissy, and a fat pedo escape during a city wide blackout and concoct a plan to kill Barclay, who as mentioned previously they believe has snuffed out their pal Dr. Merton.

Typical shit, not really good aside from pretending this is some odd entry in the Halloween franchise.

New Line Cinema honked this out, so we get to see a young Lin Shaye, and a tie in to Nightmare on Elm Steet sort of. Movie takes place in Springwood, NJ (Springwood Slasher from NOES).

Time to wrap up this cluster fuck, remember our Halloween (2021) review?

Fucking liar only like 2 people read it. Anyway if you did read you’ll remember how we pointed out in that movie, there was an attempt to place some sort of narrative in the film, making you feel sorry for the short fat fuck psycho that jumped out of a window in fear.

Very similar here though veiled. A rational person will watch Alone in the Dark (1982) and be like: "oh I see they’re pointing out the dangers of being too relaxed around folks who need supervision."

At the end it’s swerved to show that the inverse is true, that society is just as crazy as those locked up.

I agree on a very basic level sure. But, I didn’t feel sorry for Curly in the end when he comes to the realization that he and his 2 live crew fucked up. A younger Junior Hellbox might of felt a slither of compassion, but we know better now fam.

Oh this band fucking blows too –

"Ladies and Gentlemen, The Sick Fucks"

I’ll just leave this here….

Final Word –

MRHELLBOX – Don’t let the 1 rating let you skip this one. It’s got some very good performances from quite literally the rogues gallery of Hollywood villains. Especially Donald Pleasence. Just doesn’t vibe as a complete package. – 1/5

Drunken Master – Chop! Chop! Chop up these shit sacks - 1/5

Prince Pectorals – Shit Tier movie goers will see this picture here:

Then say “Oh wow a Jason mask, like how original” Well you’re wrong dick…this is a Lord Humongous mask. That’s right the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla himself. So you can go fuck YOURSELF. – 1/5

Sclong Long - Actually looks like that one dumb fucks mask in Heat but whatever - 1/5