“Good! I don’t care how you do it, all I want is that on Monday, I don’t want to see you on them, or you can say good bye to my help!” she left before I could say any word. My mum would skin me alive…
That weekend was a hell of a weekend; I couldn’t concentrate on anything, all I could think of was my last discussion with Barbra; ‘how in heaven’s name did she expect me to come to school without my normal way of dressing’. Aside from the fact that I think I might feel uncomfortable, I didn’t know how my parents would take it; actually, I think I knew, but I didn’t want to believe it and there was only one way to find out…
Mum returned from the church quite early before dad, we went straight into the kitchen so as to prepare dinner before dad got back. She seemed to be in a good mood that evening, so I decided to give it a short;
“Mum, I want to ask you something” I started, my heart racing like I ran a marathon.
“Go on honey” she said, giving me an assuring smile.
I gave it a little thought, and I said; “Never mind”
She stopped and turn around to look at me, I quickly looked down at the onions I was slicing, I knew she wouldn’t rest until she gets it out of me; “honey, you should tell me if something is bothering you” she said with a look of concern.
“Promise me you won’t be upset’ I said trying to balance my now shaky legs.
“You know I don’t promise things, just tell me what it is, and if I can do it, I will” she said now seated.
“It’s really nothing, I was just wondering if I could dress normal to school on Monday” I said trying to avoid her gaze.
Her brow rose that instant; “and by normal, you mean?”
“I mean not having to wear the turtle neck and pop socks” I said shaking
She was quiet for some minutes, then she spoke; “who said you dressed abnormally?” she gave me a straight look.
“It’s just that…” I tried to say.
“Keep quite!” she cut me before I could say another word, her cheeks were turning red now, “I told you to keep away from friends, you are being influenced aren’t you?” she said raising her voice.
“But, mum...” I tried to protest.
“But nothing!” she yelled “since when did you talk back at me? I am going to pretend this conversation never took place. Finish doing what you are doing and leave this kitchen, I have better things to worry about” she stood up and went on with her cooking.
“I am sorry, didn’t mean to upset you” I said as hot tears rolled down my eyes. I left the kitchen as soon as I finished slicing the onions.
She didn’t even take her time before reporting to my dad as soon as he came back. He in turn came into my room and yelled at me, he kept reminding me how they had suffered to send my brother to study abroad, and how they were trying to give me a better future, and threatened to stop me from going to school if that was what it would take. I felt like dying that day, I couldn’t say anything but ‘I am sorry’ throughout the weekend.
Monday finally came, I didn’t know what to do, and I really needed Barbra’s help; I was tired of living under someone else’s shadow, I wanted to be ‘me’, the real ‘me’, not the ‘me’ my parents had forced me to be. So, I made up my mind, I was going to do whatever it took to earn my respect even if it meant going against the wishes of my parents. So, I left home soon before daybreak with the excuse of I had to read for a test that morning. After walking a distance, I went into an uncompleted building and removed the pop socks and turtle neck I had on, then I took a deep breath, told myself I could do it, and walked out and into the school compound.
Luckily for me, the school was almost empty apart from some of the junior students and some teachers around. I quickly sneaked my way into the class and sat down on my seat. Other students came in latter, most of them didn’t look at me as usual so I wasn’t exposed, yet! Then Alice came in, my heart was racing fast as she walked pass me, I took a deep breath but was choked with it when she walked backwards and said;
“Something is different about you today, but I still can’t figure it out” my bladder suddenly became full as other students turned their gaze at me, then one said;
“She isn’t putting on her rags today” they all laughed.
“Why? Did you run out of rags, or you forgot to wash them?”
Alice asked and everyone laughed again. I wanted to melt right there as I begged my bladder not to give way. Then, just like Jesus Christ, Barbra came in and sat right next to me, all of them turned and left. I gave a huge sigh.
“Someone seems to be getting a lot of attention today” She said sarcastically.
I gave an obvious pretended laugh; “You need to work on your jokes, it’s really not funny”
“That a harsh thing to say to your savior you know?” she said with a babyish smile.
“Do you have any idea…?”Then the teacher walked in, and the first class began.
It was soon lunch time, I stayed in the class and refused to go out for lunch break, then Barbra came in and dragged me inside the dining hall. As soon as I stepped into the hall, everyone’s gaze was directed to me, as if they had been waiting for me to come in. I stood there clueless of what to do, I suddenly felt naked, like gloriously naked, but then I needed to do whatever it took. I caught Alice’s glance before she looked away, she was smiling and I don’t know why, but it made me feel good …
I took my food, and joined Barbra;
“So what’s next?” I asked curiously.
“Take it easy girl, its one step after the other” she said biting her bread.
“C’mon we can’t just leave things the way they are, I feel good about this, tell me what to do next please” I persisted.
“Fine!” she sighed; “the car will drop me off by 7am tomorrow, I need you to wait for me inside the 3rd washroom, and I will meet you there as soon as I come” she said.
“Are you saying that I should not enter the class?” I asked confused
“If possible, don’t let anyone see you until I come”. She added
“That means I would have to live home very early, but what would I tell my mum that I am coming to do” I asked looking her in the eye.
“I don’t care” she said avoiding my gaze.
“Seriously? You are really not helping me now” I gave her a serious look
“Fine! Tell her you have some group meeting, or just tell her something” she said
“But I can’t lie ton her, she sees right through me” I said thoughtfully
“Who said you should lie? Just don’t tell her the truth” she said plainly
“How will I not tell her the truth and not lie” I asked confused
“That’s left for you to figure out” she said as she took her leave… this was going to be terrible, I could feel it…