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5 THINGS THAT EVERYONE HATES ABOUT ATTENDING SOUTH INDIAN WEDDINGS

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remirhapsody
26
2 years agoSteemit7 min read

You guys know the difference between Pringles and Lays?

Let me give you a quick example.
The marriage ceremonies from the decade of 2000's till twenty tens are like pringles, in which the potato chips are fully packed and sealed in a cylindrical Cardboard with Zero space in it.
But the same ceremonies organized now-a-days are like Lays, in which you can see 1 potato slice, crushed into several pieces and floating in the cosmic space of air inside the baby pillow sized package.

But more than that, attending these kind of ceremonies these days in live, is the annoying part. It is like Eating world's hottest Jolo chip and wiping your tears with the same hand you've took the chip and again it makes you makes you cry in a time loop.
The only lovable thing to attend these ceremonies is for the buffet they organize.
All we look is for Eatable moments. But, i can point you out several Hateable moments in the weddings.

1.TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHEEKS
No matter if you are a grown men or women,just take care of your cheeks when you attend a family ceremonies. Because from nowhere, a tun-tun aunty come running towards you and starts to squeeze your cheeks.
These aunties are blessed with a DTS sound vocal cord with woofers and stuffs. So that we can hear their voices even from the next lane.

If embarrassing is an art then these aunties were picasso of it. They forget you are a grown one with a good masculine and starts remembering the day you were naked around the streets as a kid.
But this is the second embarrased moment in all of our life. Im proud to dedicate the first place to all of the indian moms. They usually attends your phone call,
when you're in the bathroom and tells the person that, you have been "POOPING". Not even in a digestive manner like he was in the rest room or taking bath.
So if your collegaue from opposite sex calls you when you're in natures, you're fuckin done.
Ps:Who invented these words toilet and pooping, such a self-disgrace.

2.HANDLING THE PROMOTERS
In every ceremonies there will be some reasons for every individual to attend it in live.
Some people attend the functions for the food they provide and some gives a formal visit for return. But some people attend functions and ceremonies, just for promoting. Yes, those uncles and aunties attend different family ceremonies to promote their son and daughter. Its like an free advertisment with some Headweight toppings.
They can't be satisifed without scratching your back. Firstly they talk about their kids in the abroad and nextly they endup scratching your career with sarcasm.

The Saddest part is, you are the only one to defend yourself at that moment from that shopping zone promoters. Even your parents ain't give a tag to support.

3.SALT 'N' PEPPER
So here comes the most favourite and annoying segment, the Buffet.
So there is mainly 2 kinds of buffet will be provided, the one is self service where you can go and grab the food by yourself and there will be people to serve you at some particular places like Ice cream and beeda.
But the second kind of buffet is way too annoying. There will be some catering servants keeps on running and collapsing the buffet. But remember one thing, don't ask water for drinking to the person serving you at the buffet. You can only hear the loop of different serving peoples shouting like "GET SOME WATER, WATER, WATER!!", ,but no one brings you for real until you finish your food. But mainly they refuse to give you some extra sweet and organize the buffet as some freakin prison catering or something.

4.WATCH YOUR SURROUNDINGS
Family functions is the place to improvise your candid.
So wherever you go inside the wedding hall now-a-days, you can see the camera from all sides watching you like FBI. They capture your moments from the doorstep, just to increase the time duration of wedding cassette, with your bloopers, But No one gives a shit.
I remember those days, before the existence of smart cameras and technologies, there will be a photographer with his assistant just covering the dias and snapping pictures.
But these days you can't find one. They have drone cameras to click pics and keep remembering us that they are swimming with a single leg in the technological pool and the main thing is the technological part charges double the cost than human does.

But i Hate the photographers in the wedding from then to now. They can't even let you eat peacefully with the manner you eat in your house.
You will be siipping water instead of eating, when a camera starts focusing you. But i give you a pro tip, which i followed for the decades. I cover up my face with pappad, which is the salty indian chip but gets a bad name among indian moms that, you will start to lose your hearing ability, when you take it daily.
Its a south indian myth.
People loves to have pappad with the rice but they forget to remember its sacrifice.
Even some pappads sacrifice their own life when frying.

Such a cruel world.
Coming back to the topic...

5.MONEY AS A GIFT
Those days we used to see two rough guys, looking like the Triple-h and shawn michaels teaming up in the Degenration-X ,sitting in the chair with a table and a note book along with a big silver drum, which beats the beatles band, when a coin is tossed in it. Such a loud local drum noises it makes.
We may think them as a help desk but they ain't. They are the money collectors for the wedding. Their job is to collect the money and put an entry in the notebook.
As i told before, the guys you're putting in this desk should be rough enough to take care of the money and math enough to count and calculate the money.
But i used to miss those bouncers now.
Coz its a smart wedding happening for real these days.
Just you can swipe cards or transact your money through online instead of ready cash.

But if there is a season of wedding, the only person to get happy enough is the every wholesalers and retailers of wallclocks.

Even the weddings are getting smart enough now but the only thing which can't be replaced is gifting wallclocks to the couples like intimating the groom that his bad time is kickstarting right now.
If in case the wallclock is out of stock, then there is a tiny hand calling us in the gift shop and will be like "BUY ME, YOU RETARD. I WILL BE USEFUL FOR THE COUPLES!!", that is nothing but the Cup and Saucer.
But more than this we used to see peoples gifiting the couples with their photographs imprinted in the clocks and coffee mugs and sometime even in a pillow. It is like remembering them their ugly faces, wherever they get in their house.
Just think, if the couple is divorced and the men is having the pillow imprinted the face of his divorced wife and he can't even through that shit,
coz it gives comfy feel when he takes a nap in it.
Gifting the photographs of couples in the wedding is like telling them to watch their worst decision they both made in their entire life.
So this is remirhapsody fullstopping.
Take care now bye bye then....

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