What can people with a lack of self-control do to improve it?

The absence of clear boundaries during childhood can significantly shed light on issues of self-control that emerge during adulthood. Understanding the roots of these challenges goes beyond merely recognizing childhood experiences; it involves exploring various psychological factors that contribute to an individual's ability to manage impulses and adhere to plans.

People struggling with self-control may often find themselves questioning their ability to stick to decisions or follow through on commitments.

Symptoms may include frequently abandoning tasks, a low tolerance for frustration, and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction with activities.

Jeffrey Young, a renowned psychologist, posits that how individuals navigate their self-imposed limits plays a crucial role in the development of self-control, drawing connections between early experiences and adult behaviors.


Young specifically points to challenges in setting achievable goals and the capacity for self-reinforcement. These elements are crucial areas that schema therapy aims to enhance. But what exactly is a schema?

A schema can be thought of as a mental framework that shapes how a person interprets experiences and responds to life’s challenges.

It is formed through an individual's unique life experiences and serves as a guide for behavior and thought processes. Young identifies 18 distinct schemas, including concepts like self-sacrifice, feelings of failure, and the tendency to submit to others.

Schemas operate as underlying programs that influence how we think, feel, and act during various life events. They act as survival mechanisms, having originally developed to help individuals navigate the complexities of their environments.

For example, Louise grew up in an environment where she did not have to abide by strict rules. In her current life, however, she finds everything to be monotonous and struggles with maintaining focus.

Her inability to persevere arises from a pattern of quitting once things become uninteresting.

Initially, Louise’s schemas helped her survive in her childhood setting. However, as she transitioned into adulthood, these once-useful schemas shifted to become hindrances to her personal growth.

When schemas dominate one’s behavior excessively, they can turn into self-sabotaging patterns, which Young refers to, emphasizing their maladaptive nature.

Individuals who exhibit a lack of self-control often struggle with self-discipline. They may feel difficulty in exercising restraint and can easily succumb to feelings of uncertainty.

This lack of boundaries leads them to underplay their emotional experiences, resulting in unexpressed feelings and urges that bubble beneath the surface. Such feelings can create a repeating cycle of diminished self-control and ineffective self-discipline.

This pattern also ties into a deeper issue of autonomy. When individuals grow up and separate from their families, they may struggle to establish independence in the same way their peers do.

Their expectations of themselves can become clouded, often influenced by how they relate to their parents in their formative years.

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