Friendships, Relationships... and Impermanence

Merry Christmas, world! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas (if you celebrate) and are happy and healthy as we find ourselves in the final week of 2024.

We had a lovely day with our middle son and some dear friends who have more or less become like adopted family to us; we spend most major holidays together and really enjoy each other's company.

I have long been aware of the impermanence of most things in life — perhaps trained by my strange upbringing that involved lots of moves between countries, hence the early lifelesson to "not become too attached" to anything or anyone because there was always an inevitable ending ahead.

In a quiet moment this evening, I found myself considering the relative impermanence of friendships and relationships.

Friendships and relationships are interesting in the sense that we are often taught that love lasts forever and we meet someone and declare ourselves BFFs... and yet, we more often than not end up with what was meant to be permanent instead turning out to be impermament.

The thing about us humans is that we're always in a state of change!

And even though we may have friendships built on sincerity and the best of intentions, it often turns out that we simply end up moving in different directions. Maybe your best friend gets married and becomes a parent, while you stay single. Through nobody's fault your interests have suddenly diverged.

Most such growing apart is not malicious, it's simply the side effect of differing life cirumstances... what we "had in common" — which typically kept us connected and together — has thinned out and no longer applies... and it increasingly feels like "there's nothing there."

Personally, I have often experienced some inner turmoil and conflict because I was brought up with the idea that we "should" be friends with those closest to us, no matter what... but it becomes very strained and false feeling.

Who are we really doing a favor, by trying to carry on something that seems to have just faded away?

Of course, different cultures have different societal values (and even laws), when it comes to human connections. I have typically lived by the idea that when something ceases to make sense and there seems to be no way to repair it... then why do you continue to suffer through it. Does anyone actually gain anything, by pursuing that course?

Which brings up the question of what we value most: Do we follow societal norms and values, even if they are starting to threaten our mental well-being? Or do we follow a course that seems natural and organic, which might result in a friendship/relationship lasting two years, OR it might last a lifetime?

How about you? How do you feel about allowing friendships or relationships to flow naturally, rather than by a prescribed set of rules? Is flexibility a good thing? Or should we adhere to our original choices, no matter what? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2024.12.25 23:52 PST
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